It’s 2 PM and both kids are napping. This NEVER happens since the 4 yo stopped napping years ago and the baby hates sleeping because, FOMO. But these days the big wants to do what the little is doing and the little has no choice so today, we’re napping. I’m paralyzed with what to do with my “free” time. A basket of cloth diapers sit at my feet, waiting to be stuffed and fabric pieces from V's Halloween costume that I stayed up cutting until 2 AM this morning sit in the corner, waiting to be sewn together. We are going grocery shopping after they wake up and the anxiety of taking two kids out in public is looming. What the heck are we having for dinner? And crap! Both kids need baths and I’m already out of time slots today. Still, I’m writing out random thoughts on my laptop and not doing any of the things. I did successfully clean out the fridge today to make room for groceries, but there are 1 million more things to do and I’m not doing any of them right now. Right now, my brain is my own. My thoughts are my own. No one needs nursed, no one needs snacks. No butts are waiting to be wiped. The house is calm. The TV is mine. They are so sweet while they sleep, those tiny little faces. I miss them. My sanity hangs in the balance daily and still, I miss them while they sleep. Clearly, I’m a lunatic. What kind of psychological nonsense is this? Hashtag mom problems, amirite?
